Work for the Summer

Well, this past quarter of school has been hectic, fun, crazy and eventful. I've met a lot of people in my classes, at work, and outside of work. It's been great, but I'm glad I have a bit of a break during this summer. I have five weeks where I don't have class, and I've been trying to get a better paying and more fulfilling job. I love working at school in the IT Labs, but it just doesn't pay enough and I'm not taking enough classes to work there in the summer.

I had a couple of good leads on getting a paid internship at a couple places, but they have fallen through and I've been looking elsewhere in the meantime. Right now, I've got an unpaid graphic design internship (that doesn't give me enough work) and a freelance graphic design job where, right now, I'm waiting to hear back from my boss on my schedule and assignments. I've also got a full-time paid position that I'm applying for. I'm working on getting my portfolio together, so I can give something out during interviews.

In my personal life, the person that I thought was "the one" turned out to be a false alarm. There was good potential there, but it obviously wasn't to be. I've learned that as much as I want it to happen, I can't force it and if anything, the more you want that to happen, the more it turns out to be false hope. I've taken my focus back on improving my life and my own personal character, and going back to church, getting counseling and being more active.

I'm focusing on making my relationships healthy and trying to relieve the pressure off of them, as well as adjusting relationships that put pressure on me. Someone whom I never thought would be back in my life has returned and I'm still getting adjusted to that. I'm glad to have a second chance to make it work, but at the same time, leery of repeating the same mistakes. At the same time, trying to correct our past and improving our future is something I'm trying to achieve. I've got great friends, and getting more all the time, so I feel blessed in that area. Now, I just need a job that works for me. :D

Meeting the right person

Well, I've been looking and I've found a lot of people, and a lot of people have found me. I'm still not sure who's the right one for me, but I've found someone that really makes me happy and I really like her. I just have to make sure that I don't scare her away by liking her TOO MUCH! I have to try to slow down, but it's hard. I know if it's to be, then it will be. I hope we can continue how we are going and we can make it last. I'd love for her to be the right one.

Choices to make and finding the right path

Well, now that I have more time to think about myself and what I want out of life, I have to ask God, "What do you want my life to be?" I pray that I keep listening to Him and that He guides me in the choices I make, who I date, who I'm friends with, where to go and ask for His love to fill me up, so I that I can pass it on to others.

That's a dangerous line, though, because as guarded and shy as I am sometimes, I let myself become vulnerable to other thoughts or desires, and am too easily influenced by other people sometimes. I pray that He helps me to grow and continue to become a better Christian, and therefore, in the process, become stronger, more mature, and less susceptible to negative external influences. That I continue to grow and nurture my current relationships and make new ones. That He surrounds me with people that are positive for me and that they can help me to grow in the way that's best for me.

School and work (all 3 of my jobs!) is great right now and I'm lucky to have such good friends, like Randy and Ben, but being in love was really great, too. I've never felt so happy and carefree in my life. I was a better person for being in a relationship where I could just let myself be who I am, but also grow and change and find new meaning in life. I'm thankful for having the chance to experience that, but am starting to wonder if I was just blinded by love. I hope that God blesses me with someone that is right for me and that will treat me properly. [That may or may not be Chanda, but that is completely up to her and if she wants to listen to God's will in her life.] I pray that my past experiences won't sabotage any chance at falling in love or being able to trust again, and not to fall in love too prematurely.

Mourning again!

LOTS OF STUFF SINCE WE LAST "SPOKE"! TOO MUCH!

Well, maybe now that life is back to 'normal' (ie, life without love, or life without someone you love who doesn't love you back).

It sucks! I now have to struggle to keep my love in check without letting Satan try to taint my love with thoughts of pain and regret.

I'm mourning the loss of a possibility of being with someone I love (Chanda). I love you, Chanda! I would have stayed with you forever! I miss you! I pray for you and your happiness and the possibility that you will return to me someday.