R.I.P. Soshi ...

Well, the news that I'd been longing for (and fearing) was finally thrust upon me today when I got home: my dog of 14 years, Soshi, has finally ceased to live.

The reason I was relieved initially when I heard this is that she has ceased to "live" for the last couple of weeks. She really hasn't been well for the past couple of weeks and I'm glad that she no longer has to suffer. It really hasn't hit me that she's gone yet, but when I buried her today a little earlier, I started to realize that she really is gone and I'll never have her greet when I walk in the door anymore.

Pets just can make me happy like no other thing (object or person). I know they will love me and I trust them more than I will ever trust another human being. I will miss you deeply, Soshi!

Pre-Moarning

Hey, everybody! Thanks for everyone who's given me emails and posts helping to console me in my time of grief (even though she's not even dead, yet). I know she's lasted a while, but I don't want to think about her death.

I've decided against putting her to sleep, as I don't think I can live with the guilt that I ended her life prematurely. I've been stressed about whether or not I will 'kill' her (when to do 'it'). I've decided NOT to decide.

The thing that has helped ease my mind is just knowing that it's not up to me when she dies. I've let 'Someone Else' take care of that. I know it's going to be soon, but when the time comes, I will not have any regrets.

Goodbye Soshi

My dog of (nearly) 14 years has become extremely sick of late. She has been deteriorating the past couple of months with kidney failure and possibly renal failure as well. Because she has kidney disease, she drinks a lot (from the toilet) and she has to excrete frequently and she doesn’t have control over this. She has been urinating on beds, chairs and all over the floor the past couple of months, but it has gotten worse over the weekend.

She just stands there in the middle of the room sometimes and looks confused and weak. She can’t stand very well, she can’t sit down or lie down without pain and taking a long time to do so. She can’t really walk up stairs very well without stumbling or tripping.

She hasn’t been eating much of anything over the weekend and I’ve had to nurse and coax her to get her to eat anything. I’m really worried about leaving her at home alone and I’m seriously considering putting her to sleep either today, or tomorrow. I never would have wanted to do it, and want to see her last as long as she can, but I don’t think she’s in good condition and I’ve tried everything to improve her condition.

She means a great deal to me and she will have been 14 years old about now. I got her about a month after my brother died in 1993 and she helped lift my spirits and recover from my loss.